How to Bounce Back Better: Turning your Setbacks into setups
WRITTEN BY OSCAR CAMEJO JR.
PHOTOGRAPHY MIKE COLLETTA IMAGES
STYLING BY OSCAR CAMEJO JR. & IVORY FILLMORE
I am writing this article a few days away from my 50th birthday. Wow. Turning 50 is so surreal.
Looking back over my life, I can’t help but to be grateful to God that I made it to the big FIVE-0. They say life is short, so you might as well make the most of it. What a true statement.
Like so many people, I have experienced lots of ups and downs in 50 years. I almost died a few times. Been divorced twice. Phew! Maybe one day I’ll write a memoir about my experiences and how I handled setbacks in detail. We’ll see.
Siempre Sigue Adelante
My dad taught me so many valuable lessons in life. He passed away in 2018, the day after Father’s Day. My dad “Paco” (that was his nickname) was Afro-Cuban. He was one of those old-school Cubans who loved people, music, and got along with everyone. He loved cooking, good Cuban food, and laughter among friends.
He wasn’t the richest dad. I didn’t inherit a ton of cash. However, he left me something more valuable: a legacy of wisdom.
My dad used to always say, “Siempre sigue adelante,” which in Spanish, means “always keep moving.” If you have followed me on social media for any length of time, you’ve probably heard me use the phrase “stay focused, keep moving, never go back” quite a bit. If so, now you know the backstory.
My dad’s “always keep moving” philosophy has helped me during some of the darkest of times. It’s become a mindset that fuels my desire to never allow setbacks to stop me.
Setbacks Are Setups
When we experience unexpected setbacks and disappointments, we have two choices: learn from them and grow, or allow them to hold us back and throw us off course. I often tell folks that “Setbacks are setups for you to experience better!”
There’s something about having forward momentum even in the midst of things not going so well in life. Imagine if you could apply this same mindset to every aspect of your life, regardless of your circumstances.
It may be hard right now. Perhaps you’re in what feels like the fight of your life. Your situation may even feel hopeless. I get it. But like Paco used to say, “siempre sigue adelante”; always keep moving.
Setbacks come in the form of all kinds of experiences. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a setback as “a slowing of progress; a temporary defeat.”
I’m pretty sure you could think of a situation in your life where your progress might have been slowed, or you experienced what felt like defeat. Perhaps it was a divorce, a recent breakup, an unexpected financial obligation, a health diagnosis, a lost job, or maybe a huge business deal that fell through.
Think back to how you handled that experience. What did it feel like? What were your thoughts regarding the outcome?
The Principle of Perception
How we think and the thoughts we stew on can play a major role in how we handle the unexpected.
Have you ever worried so much about a situation and the potential “what if’s,” only for things to eventually work out in the end? Perhaps you got yourself all worked up, stressed out, and anxious for nothing.
Perception is basically how we see things. If we perceive that a situation is way too overwhelming for us to overcome, then it’s likely we won’t overcome it. If we adopt a defeatist mentality, then we’ve already lost.
The 19th Century poet Walter D. Wintle wrote the following poem titled “Thinking”:
If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but you think you can't,
It is almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost;
For out in this world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will
It's all in the state of mind.
If you think you're outclassed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can!
So, I would say that it behooves us to transform our way of thinking to begin the process of transforming our lives. Remember, the goal is to bounce back from your situation better than ever before. But it starts on the battlefield of your mind.
How to Bounce Back Better
When I was going through my relationship challenges sometime ago, I was also dealing with health complications. It was like a double whammy. I felt terrible both mentally and physically. I was a mess, but no one really knew what was going on.
For me, bouncing back from that time period became a must. I was tired of not being myself; tired of being overweight, stressed out, worried, unhealthy, and emotionally drained.
I chose to bounce back better than ever.
Looking back, I didn’t have a step-by-step roadmap to bouncing back. But, I did have enough sense to start the process. Here are a few key things I learned along the way.
Accept Self Love
When we go through tough times, it’s often easy to beat ourselves up. We blame ourselves for mistakes or for things not going as planned. That blame turns into self-hatred sometimes, and we fall out of love with the person who is with us 24/7: us.
So learn to love yourself because you’re worth loving. No matter what’s going on, stop beating yourself up. Love the seemingly unlovable. As you do, you’ll slowly start the process of bouncing back. Why? Because you will be in a better place mentally to do whatever it takes to transform your life. You’re worth it!
Prioritize Self Care
Self love has a way of motivating us to begin examining what areas of our lives need an overhaul. You see; sometimes we neglect ourselves when we’re in that place of depression, sadness, worry, confusion, doubt, and anxiety. That is why we need to shift our focus and prioritize self care.
The following key areas of self care are what I recommend you zero in on.
Make Better Nutrition Choices (e.g. consume healthier foods and drinks)
Improve Your Physical Health (e.g. exercise; lose weight; sleep better)
Pursue Personal Development (e.g. read more; learn new skills; complete a professional certification program; finish school; journal your thoughts; create a vision board; dream big)
Build New Relationships and Strengthen the Existing Good Ones (e.g. get involved in rebuilding your personal community)
Seek Professional Help for Mental Health (e.g. therapy; counseling)
Allow Your Spirit and Soul to Heal (e.g. prayer; meditation; attend church; confide in a mentor)
Pursue Transformation
A butterfly is a caterpillar first.
So become a better version of yourself by being willing to change. Make up your mind to go through the process of turning your life around. Like a tenacious pitbull, do whatever it takes to pursue your transformation with everything that’s in you. Pursue success; don’t wait for it!
Be Patient
Anything worth pursuing will demand patience. So don’t expect lasting results overnight. Transformation takes time, requires consistency, and will become a reality with a plan. You can apply this to almost any circumstance. Experience teaches us patience, and patience brings about growth. So use setbacks as opportunities for development.
Pursue Peace
When we think of the word “peace,” we often limit it to having peace of mind. That’s ok, but it’s incomplete. I want you to broaden your understanding of what it means to have peace.
Think of wholeness in every area of life: spirit, soul and body.
Sometimes, when we experience life-changing setbacks of any kind, there’s a kind of brokenness that occurs. You may have heard some people say, “I feel broken” after a divorce, or after receiving a medical diagnosis. That emotional brokenness can be painful.
If that’s your situation, be encouraged. There is healing for that brokenness. If you haven’t figured it out yet, what I’ve shared so far is actually a roadmap to wholeness (peace): self love, self care, pursuing transformation, and developing patience.
Therefore, pursue your wholeness for yourself and not for anyone else. And don’t forget to run your own race. Pace yourself.
Conclusion
You deserve to be refreshed, renewed, and living your best life regardless of what you’re experiencing at the moment.
So stay focused. Keep moving. Never go back. Leap forward. Bounce back better because you can, my friend! And above all else, trust God! You got this. I believe in you.
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©2023 Oscar Camejo - The Beating Diabetes Lifestyle
